feeling down..
Sunday, May 10th, 2009i write a lot of poetry when i get depressed….i am struggling alot right now with some issues…just wanted to share my work with you guys :)
its regarding an 8 year struggle with an eating disorder
its funny…its frustrating…its frightening…..its lonely….its all too ironic.
when you spend years with secrets, hiding who you are, denying the confrontations, refusing the help, ignoring the people who cared, putting a smile on for everyone except yourself.
there comes a time when you can’t hold it inside anymore. the fear, the anger, the helplessness that you feel has got to escape…it’s spilling out into your blood, its all you think about….you will be consumed.
but now there is no one there to hear you…no one left to listen, no one there to hold your hand. your in too deep. you spill your guts out, wishing, praying that someone will look into your eyes and give you the hope that you so desperately need. but it doesn’t come…
its when you want to change, when you want to get better, that you are left to fend for yourself. i’m just hoping…praying, that somewhere inside of me is the strength to fight a war. its a fight to the death…and knowing eyes watch me die inside everyday, if they only knew how much i needed them to care, maybe then i wouldn’t be counting the days till my defeat.
